Controlling your own behavior (1 Viewer)

[Laron]

Source: https://www.gottman.com/
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I think one of the most important aspects of being a parent is protecting your child, but the above quote gives us something to think about and discuss; controlling your own behavior could relate to making sure aspects of ego don't control you when reacting and acting out.

We need to address our own issues from the past first to make sure this doesn't occur, on top of focusing on what ego actually is and learning to step away each element.

Through inner child and shadow work, we can find a lot of self-healing. If we heal ourselves as best as we can—a lifelong process—it's then not so much about control. As we respond and act from the heart, not the emotional ego space, we can then naturally interact with intuition and true love.

 

[Snowmelt]

There are astrological influences (showing up on the natal chart of a person), that is, those influences exist from birth. I take astrology as a map - a guide - to see what the elements are. But the point you make in this thread is very relevant and real. I remember an existential moment in my life (when I was 29 years old) when I became aware that I had a lot of healing on my inner child to do. However, contrary to this awareness, which was present in my conscious mind, I allowed life to whisk me away on the misdirection of action/reaction, meaning that is where my focus and interest attached, and not on the gaping need within my inner being. I then followed this misdirected path (looking externally for love) until I reached the ultimate (and obvious now) conclusion that I have in my life a real child who acts out.

Just saying.

 

[therium]

Yes children learn by example but that's not the only way they learn. What I did was encourage my son to talk to me about things, and when he did I praised him and told him what he did that was good. If he was having an outburst, I, as the parent, had to remind him he can take a break in his room while he cooled down and he could choose when to come out and talk to me. I got him in the habit of doing adult things at a young age.

I don't think parenting should be totally passive. I think the parent needs to remind the kid that they should "talk calmly about what they want, I won't listen to them if they are screaming and I can't understand them if they are crying."

 

[Anaeika]

Also want to add that having children has gotten me in touch with my inner child. So yes, I agree with the fact that children can be triggering and it is best to respond in a mature, adult manner. Futhermore, my kids have been my personal teachers, greatly pushing me into my personal life lessons. I felt greatly stagnant as an adult before becoming a mother. Wow! Their creativity has sparked mine! And motherhood has purified me in a way. Priorities are different. Innate instincts turned on like a switch. It has made me into a completely different person. And most importantly, it has expanded my heart. I could go on & on.

 

[anony.]

Agree with this and often children are held to a higher standard of behaviour than the adults themselves. We expect so much of our children, especially in the areas we need to work on in ourselves,we project, they become a reflection of all we don't like within ourselves sometimes,as they flush out our deepest wounding/conditioning, and we try to correct it in them, when really it's our issue. I've found my kids invaluable in terms of personal growth, a literal re write of all I've ever known. In loving my babies my own wounded inner child resurfaced, soothed as I soothed my babies. Invited to play, as my lil ones did, swelling with love and joy and tears in the carefree laughter of a child. Kids need to be kids, protected. they need guidance and boundaries for sure, but mostly they just need to be allowed to be kids, for the short time it lasts.

 

[Anaeika]

Agree with this and often children are held to a higher standard of behaviour than the adults themselves. We expect so much of our children, especially in the areas we need to work on in ourselves,we project, they become a reflection of all we don't like within ourselves sometimes,as they flush out our deepest wounding/conditioning, and we try to correct it in them, when really it's our issue. I've found my kids invaluable in terms of personal growth, a literal re write of all I've ever known. In loving my babies my own wounded inner child resurfaced, soothed as I soothed my babies. Invited to play, as my lil ones did, swelling with love and joy and tears in the carefree laughter of a child. Kids need to be kids, protected. they need guidance and boundaries for sure, but mostly they just need to be allowed to be kids, for the short time it lasts.

Yup! Exactly! I have experienced the same exact thing! Agree 100%.

 

[Snowmelt]

The parent needs to be stable enough to allow the out-pushing of young teens and later teens, as they reject what you say, and go for experience in the greater external world. Of course the parent needs to keep a constant, underlying connection, leaving a warm, nurturing space for the disillusioned teen to come back to, of their own choice. They may not tell you everything that goes on, but as you've already ridden that same bicycle (metaphorically) you have a head start in understanding what might be going on. They really have a huge up-curve as they learn through external study, friendships starting and finishing, dating, L plates and P plates, keeping up with the Joneses in their own circles, and learning to evaluate the panic-stricken triggering that comes with the territory of wireless messaging. My daughter arrived home last night from a work shift, where she is the "senior" at age 18 in a fast food outlet, an hour overdue. She was so shattered she couldn't manage the key to the front door, and practically fell through the doorway into my arms. Her co-worker is 15, with no concept on how to manage her workload. My daughter made the choice to send her home at closing time (already late - 9pm) and she stayed on to perform all the tasks that needed to get done, so that opening in the morning would run to schedule.

The only advice I had for her was to continue to press for that meeting with management, that they seem to be shirking.

It's hard to see your children going through these learning curves. But time erases a lot, softens the bumps in our memories. I'm at the stage where I can't pick up all the pieces, all the time. She has had to learn to pick up the pieces of some of her own co-created dramas. My mind boggles when I think of 7.5 billion people doing all this maturing and growing up.

 

[Anaeika]

dating, L plates and P plates

What are L and P plates?

Your post is very wise and you have the experience to know it. Thank you.

 

[Snowmelt]

What are L and P plates?

Your post is very wise and you have the experience to know it. Thank you.

Learner drivers use "L" plates, and Provisional drivers use "P" plates. Since I got my license in 1983, things have changed around here. Now, after a learner driver passes their road test, their first provisional license is Red, lasting for 6 months, with a midnight curfew, and after that they move on to Green, which lasts for another year. Only after that, do they have a full driver's license.

 

[Anaeika]

Learner drivers use "L" plates, and Provisional drivers use "P" plates. Since I got my license in 1983, things have changed around here. Now, after a learner driver passes their road test, their first provisional license is Red, lasting for 6 months, with a midnight curfew, and after that they move on to Green, which lasts for another year. Only after that, do they have a full driver's license.

Thanks for explaing that to me. It is much easier to drive in the States. At age 15, we can get a learner’s permit. At age 16, pass a driving test and get a license. Practice usually takes place w a parent. Some decide to take a class.

 

[Snowmelt]

The first date you can pass a driving test here is your 17th birthday.

 

[Snowmelt]

You might be surprised by this:
https://www.transport.wa.gov.au/licensing/learn-to-drive-my-first-licence.asp

Learn to drive (my first licence)

There are various steps involved in getting a Western Australian (WA) driver's licence. You will need to develop your knowledge of the road rules, your driving skills and safe driving habits.
Changes to Graduated Driver Training and Licensing
Effective 9 October 2017.
Familiarise yourself with the changes to the GDTL process and what you will need to do to obtain a provisional licence.

Learning to drive/ride (overview)
Find out what steps you need to take to get a licence to ride a moped (R-N class), motorcycle (R-E class) or drive a car (C class) vehicle in Western Australia.
Go to Learning to drive/ride (overview)

Get a learner's permit
To start learning to drive you have to get a learner's permit by passing the theory test. Your learner's permit is valid for three years.
Go to Get a learner's permit

Learn to drive/ride
Once you have your learner's permit you can begin learning the skills you need to become a safe driver.
Go to Learn to drive/ride

Complete the Hazard Perception Test
Once a minimum of six calendar months has lapsed since you were issued with your Learner's permit and you have reached the minimum age of 16 years and six months, you can sit your Hazard Perception Test (HPT).
Go to Complete the Hazard Perception Test

Continue to gain experience
Once you have passed your HPT you need to build on your experience and continue to record a minimum of 50 supervised driving hours including at least five hours at night (between sunset and sunrise).
Go to Continue to gain experience

Pass the Practical Driving Assessment
Once you have completed and recorded a minimum of 50 supervised driving hours in your Learner Guide and Log Book and you are at least 17 years of age, you can sit the Practical Driving Assessment (PDA).
Go to Pass the Practical Driving Assessment

Get a provisional licence ('P' plates)
Once you have passed the Practical Driving Assessment you will be granted a provisional licence and are able to drive unsupervised.
Go to Get a provisional licence ('P' plates)

 

[Snowmelt]

But the weird thing is, almost every boy she has ever dated (all in the age range of 17-20 years old) has lost their license after gaining it. That is, probably from speeding or driving with something illegal in their system. So they lose their license for 6 months or a year or more depending on how much over the speed limit they were doing when caught. And I don't even know about the girls.

The government obviously has a lot on their hands trying to get a semblance of driver courtesy and decency into these young minds.

 

[Anaeika]

Wow! That is a lot to get a license!

 

[Snowmelt]

Yes, and the rest of Australia thinks the West Australians are the cowboys. They're right!

 

[Anaeika]

Yes, and the rest of Australia thinks the West Australians are the cowboys. They're right!

View attachment 5912

How funny!

 

[therium]

In Michigan we don't have different car license plates for younger drivers. But drivers under the age of 21 (the legal drinking age here) get a driver's license in the portrait format, instead of the normal landscape format. That helps keep them out of bars, just a bit.

 

[Anaeika]

In Michigan we don't have different car license plates for younger drivers. But drivers under the age of 21 (the legal drinking age here) get a driver's license in the portrait format, instead of the normal landscape format. That helps keep them out of bars, just a bit.

And every state is different too. In Texas, the license needs to be updated much more frequently bc it expires. In Arizona, the expiration date is further out.

 

[Alain]

Learner drivers use "L" plates, and Provisional drivers use "P" plates. Since I got my license in 1983, things have changed around here. Now, after a learner driver passes their road test, their first provisional license is Red, lasting for 6 months, with a midnight curfew, and after that they move on to Green, which lasts for another year. Only after that, do they have a full driver's license.

in my country it s a L in a red box meaning minor driving with parent as co driver, l in blue box for the new drivers at the point i made it, now there i no longer obligation which is not so good as the driving skills are a pitty