- Jul 28, 2016
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The only thing I recall always being really clear on regarding dying is that I hope someone has the temerity to laugh at my funeral. I hope there is something of my life that this laughing friend remembers which, in the atmosphere of high emotions present at a funeral, makes them take that leap into social impropriety that involves laughing when someone close to you has died. But really it's about my friends knowing me well enough to know that I'd be happy to have them laugh, even when I'm dead. From wherever I was, I'd hope to be laughing with them
This week's Unspun by Bernie has a duo of articles on the subject. For me this is a happy synchronicity as it may add depth to any discussion on this post, which I'd already decided to write. The first article looks at Tasmania's voting on legalizing euthanasia, with a brief look at the arguments and counterarguments: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-05-23/tasmanian-dying-with-dignity-bill-before-parliament/8549938 The second looks at euphemisms used to say that someone has died, with a few examples of how awkward misunderstandings can be: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-05-23/why-we-dont-speak-openly-about-death-and-dying/8547824
The other thing my desire for funeral laughter brings up is the concept of decision-making around the time of death. This includes a plethora of subjects like euthanasia, mentioned in the article above, wills, 'bucket lists' of things you want to do before you die and medical requests for whatever it is you want your caretakers to do for you... or avoid doing for you. How many of you have made wills? If you did, what was the impetus for doing so? Did it bring up any discussions you are glad you had? Who has a bucket list? (whether written or in your head) Who has had any kind of discussion with family or close friends about what type of care they would want if they were dying? Would you want to be unplugged from a respirator if your loved ones felt certain you would not revive?
This last brings up the (to me anyway
) fascinating issue of how does one know if there is anybody 'home' in a comatose body. Certainly, with all the brain scans, heart monitors and other technology available today, mistakes still get made. Not only is this fodder for all kinds of horror movies, it also brings up the question of whether we have our own internal sensors for detecting life in an unresponsive person. If so, how do we recognize them? How do they work? And how do we hone such a skill if we aren't a palliative care nurse?
Death is the one thing we can all really expect. Taxes are also said to be universal, but that is only in cultures that have them. Not all cultures do. Every culture has death. We all share the expectation of it. Not all cultures have much real guidance on it. I do not count bang 'em up movies as 'real guidance'. This lack of guidance can translate to fear around death and the time leading up to it. So let's get talking!
Death is the end of this life. Have you thought much about it? About your feelings about it? When I do, I don't find much fear about death, despite being told all my life that 'everyone fears death'. I do fear the possibility of the pain that may come prior to death but the death itself seems a neutral concept to me. In fact, sometimes it seems like an exciting adventure awaiting me around the corner.
Just like anything in life, if you don't tell anyone what you want in and around the time you are dying, you are unlikely to get it. And this is why this article is in the 'Health, etc' forum. Talking about your last wishes, if you have any, can be a healthy way to plan for yourself and a very healthy thing for your closest relationships. As always, use your discretion on this one, as not everyone will be too excited to have this discussion
! Even if there are some awkward or painful moments, however, getting through them can be of great benefit and open the door to an ease you, or someone close to you, hadn't realized you could have on a subject we all share.
This week's Unspun by Bernie has a duo of articles on the subject. For me this is a happy synchronicity as it may add depth to any discussion on this post, which I'd already decided to write. The first article looks at Tasmania's voting on legalizing euthanasia, with a brief look at the arguments and counterarguments: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-05-23/tasmanian-dying-with-dignity-bill-before-parliament/8549938 The second looks at euphemisms used to say that someone has died, with a few examples of how awkward misunderstandings can be: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-05-23/why-we-dont-speak-openly-about-death-and-dying/8547824
The other thing my desire for funeral laughter brings up is the concept of decision-making around the time of death. This includes a plethora of subjects like euthanasia, mentioned in the article above, wills, 'bucket lists' of things you want to do before you die and medical requests for whatever it is you want your caretakers to do for you... or avoid doing for you. How many of you have made wills? If you did, what was the impetus for doing so? Did it bring up any discussions you are glad you had? Who has a bucket list? (whether written or in your head) Who has had any kind of discussion with family or close friends about what type of care they would want if they were dying? Would you want to be unplugged from a respirator if your loved ones felt certain you would not revive?
This last brings up the (to me anyway
) fascinating issue of how does one know if there is anybody 'home' in a comatose body. Certainly, with all the brain scans, heart monitors and other technology available today, mistakes still get made. Not only is this fodder for all kinds of horror movies, it also brings up the question of whether we have our own internal sensors for detecting life in an unresponsive person. If so, how do we recognize them? How do they work? And how do we hone such a skill if we aren't a palliative care nurse? Death is the one thing we can all really expect. Taxes are also said to be universal, but that is only in cultures that have them. Not all cultures do. Every culture has death. We all share the expectation of it. Not all cultures have much real guidance on it. I do not count bang 'em up movies as 'real guidance'. This lack of guidance can translate to fear around death and the time leading up to it. So let's get talking!
Death is the end of this life. Have you thought much about it? About your feelings about it? When I do, I don't find much fear about death, despite being told all my life that 'everyone fears death'. I do fear the possibility of the pain that may come prior to death but the death itself seems a neutral concept to me. In fact, sometimes it seems like an exciting adventure awaiting me around the corner.
Just like anything in life, if you don't tell anyone what you want in and around the time you are dying, you are unlikely to get it. And this is why this article is in the 'Health, etc' forum. Talking about your last wishes, if you have any, can be a healthy way to plan for yourself and a very healthy thing for your closest relationships. As always, use your discretion on this one, as not everyone will be too excited to have this discussion
! Even if there are some awkward or painful moments, however, getting through them can be of great benefit and open the door to an ease you, or someone close to you, hadn't realized you could have on a subject we all share.
