Thoughts about self worth :-) (1 Viewer)

[Lila]

On another thread, in answer to a post I 'spoke some of my thoughts aloud' onto the posting and Angela asked what I'd meant, suggesting perhaps this was worthy of its own post.
The original thread is here: https://www.transients.info/roundtable/threads/how-do-we-get-to-the-new-earth.6729/#post-46830

The original post was this "
Recently, I'm spending the most effort on the part about spending my time where and how I want to. I realize the irony of writing that it takes effort to relax Among the daily to-do lists it is easy to never really have a moment of truly relaxing, knowing that I've accomplished what I needed to. In fact, what I'm realizing is this counterintuitive lesson of being able to accomplish more when I try less hard and enjoy myself more. This came much more easily when I was younger so I feel like I am relearning after some tough lessons.

The real lesson here seems to be that there is nothing that really needs to be accomplished and that I am just as loveable and loving and worthy when I accomplish 'nothing' as when I have a 'productive' day."

Angela's question was this (after highlighting the last sentence above):
"I don't want to hijack the thread going on this topic. But could you elaborate on this? I have a very real, extremely powerful problem believing that I have any worth or purpose. It's usually the root of a lot of the depression I suffer from. If you need to create a new thread, that's fine. But I need someone to expound on the topic."

 

[Lila]

In answer to your question, Angela, what I had in mind was that I am realizing, gradually, that I am (or anyone is) just as worthy when I accomplish 'a lot' in my day as when I accomplish 'nothing'.

Do you know that message (written in slightly different forms at different times) from so many postings from 'higher beings', the one that for me, initially, made no sense "You are so loved just as you are"? I am realizing that I (and everyone) is inherently lovable no matter what they do or don't do at any given time. For me, I guess that 'accomplishing something' has always been an unspoken and very powerful goal. I couldn't do this for a while due to ill health so I got really thrown for a loop and had to re-examine the entire concept. Lots of people around me helped me realize that it needed to be re-examined because they believed it too and they would say things that I found really cruel that suggested I was unworthy if I didn't - pick a goal- .
This helped because I could see the cruelty in their statements more easily than in my own beliefs and it was much more easy to see how impossible their demands were than my own demands of myself.
Believe me, this was not an easy process, and I would not recommend saying or being cruel to someone in this way to 'help them learn'. However, it did, in a very ironic way, turn out to be a great lesson for me. I learned to relax in a way I never had been able to, to let time pass in peace, to allow myself to do things just because I wanted to and have compassion for myself when I did so, even celebrate that I'd done something of beauty when I 'just' spent time doing something I loved. It was a very spiritual experience for me and here I am.

Angela, I don't know how to express how grateful I am for your asking this question. If you hadn't I wouldn't have realized just what I was saying either, at least not in the same, much clearer, way
Thank you for that.
Also, I started a new thread because I believe that we all have beliefs that hold us back immensely and that they are tough to see in ourselves. It is like they are back behind our head and we can't see them unless someone mirrors them, like you did when you asked this question. I have lots of them. This one that was very powerful was believing that I somehow was not worthwhile if I didn't 'accomplish something' with my day, every day. The value of seeing the inherent ridiculousness of such notions that are driving me is that I become free of them and that is true freedom indeed!

Happy freedom day, everyone

 

[Anaeika]

Lila , I cannot tell you how thankful I am for your post and how relatable it is for me too. It is my current lesson.

On bad health days, my internal dialogue is pretty negative as I am not productive. Then, I compensate on good health days by being active and getting to work on projects, then I pay for it the next day. I tell ppl that I am an every other day person—hehe!

On Wednesday, I saw a physical therapist who performed bio-feedback on me. I am connected to this computer that reads the activity of my muscles and this information is then sent to a computer screen showing a graph. Her goal is for me to relax at 3 or below. My baseline is 10, shooting to 15-20. Although I thought I was relaxed, I could not get below 10. I learned that I do not know how to relax, as my muscles are always tight from day to day stress/high cortisol levels. So my exercise is to learn how to relax, and to be kind to myself. Sounds simple enough, right?!

 

[Lila]

LilaOn bad health days, my internal dialogue is pretty negative as I am not productive.

That's the thing; What does 'productive' mean? Does it mean you take a mental health day and relax when you feel you need it? Or that you accomplish tasks that can be externally counted by someone else?
Who's really in charge of you?

Sounds simple enough, right?!

 

[Angela]

That's the thing; What does 'productive' mean? Does it mean you take a mental health day and relax when you feel you need it? Or that you accomplish tasks that can be externally counted by someone else?
Who's really in charge of you?

What if those days have turned into weeks and months and years though? What if I've gone my whole life not feeling direction? Not feeling passion or real love of doing anything. It's been an active question for me since high school.

And even the purpose within the world seems hard to grasp as a lot of the world, the life we live, all of creation seems, excuse me, relatively pointless. If there's no driving point, (especially with the line of thought that we're not doing good enough to raise the earth vibration - Still not sure what I think about that whole thing-) aside from just being... What difference does it make what I do in my moment.

Please give some mercy to my negativity. I've been struggling with this for a while and it just feels like I am out of energy. I can't keep up with "the good fight", nor does it seem like I can get out of the trauma and abuse I've gone through. I go and push and rest and practice whatever I can to have peace and it apparently hasn't gotten me out of it. I want to quit. The thought of living an entire other half of my life feels so indescribably exhausting.

 

[Lila]

What if those days have turned into weeks and months and years though? What if I've gone my whole life not feeling direction? Not feeling passion or real love of doing anything. It's been an active question for me since high school.

Then, it seems to me that you are a seeker of things that many dare not even start considering.
I'd call that very brave as it is commonly acknowledged to be a difficult path.

And even the purpose within the world seems hard to grasp as a lot of the world, the life we live, all of creation seems, excuse me, relatively pointless. If there's no driving point, (especially with the line of thought that we're not doing good enough to raise the earth vibration - Still not sure what I think about that whole thing-) aside from just being... What difference does it make what I do in my moment.

Yes, it's pointless to drive toward anything, since it's all ephemeral.
You have 'now' at any given time and that is enough; if you let it be enough.
And why should it not be enough? You are who you are. I am who I am and that is enough and that is beautiful and that is worthy and valuable and loveable
(Wow, I sound like I'm channeling Eckhart Tolle just now, lol)

Please give some mercy to my negativity

That's the thing. I can 'give some mercy to your negativity' but it doesn't really matter until you give yourself some mercy to your negativity; or I give myself some mercy for my inability to 'accomplish something with my day'; or Anaeika gives herself mercy for 'not being productive' on days when she is not there; or whoever doing whatever.
I believe this is precisely why all the respected seekers out there go on and on about compassion. If you don't have compassion for yourself, your every move and moment is pointless.
Let go of that need (whatever it is at that moment) and you can just 'be' in peace.
'Being' in peace is 'catching' and palpable. It helps others do the same. It all starts within yourself/myself letting yourself/myself be okay with where you/I am at at any given moment.

 

[Lila]

A little humour and the ability to laugh at one's self helps a ton too, I find
It's just so much easier to let go when one is laughing.

 

[Anaeika]

Who's really in charge of you?

My young children are “boss”! Hehe

Being a mother equates to feminity, selflessness, loving, & nurturing. Are these all myths I have been programmed with? I think I need a break! Burn-out!

Angela , thank you for being vulnerable. I ask these questions too, from time to time. Wanted to let you know you are not alone.

 

[Lila]

Are these all myths I have been programmed with?

At one point I decided that whatever I do is by definition 'feminine' since I am a female.

I could say the same for the definition of 'maternal'. If I do it as a mother, it is, by definition, maternal.
There may be some places one could disagree, but I have found this to be a good working definition as well as a very freeing concept.

 

[Anaeika]

Lila , ahhhh, THANK YOU!

 

[therium]

What if I've gone my whole life not feeling direction?

Angela, You must find direction yourself, you have been getting hints from your HS, are you listening? I understand, I didn't listen very well to my HS for decades. I hadn't addressed all my personal problems until my 40s. But when I finally danced like no one was watching, I had a lot of fun. But that involved getting rid of a lot of negative internal dialogue. No one was going to rescue me and fix my problems, I had to do the internal work all my self. I could ask for help, but I had to be the one starting all the fixings that were going on.

Does that resonate at all with you?

So what's the purpose of life? To love others. But one cannot do that until they love themselves (which actually means respect and accept themselves as they are, warts and all), and that is not meant in a narcissistic way. And one cannot accept themselves until they fix some of their internal issues.

If you want a goal, start by helping others. It can feel nice. But make sure to take care of yourself too and pay all your bills. Your other purpose, IMO, is to be self-sufficient, take care of yourself, pay your own bills, etc.

 

[Alain]

Lila , I cannot tell you how thankful I am for your post and how relatable it is for me too. It is my current lesson.

On bad health days, my internal dialogue is pretty negative as I am not productive. Then, I compensate on good health days by being active and getting to work on projects, then I pay for it the next day. I tell ppl that I am an every other day person—hehe!

On Wednesday, I saw a physical therapist who performed bio-feedback on me. I am connected to this computer that reads the activity of my muscles and this information is then sent to a computer screen showing a graph. Her goal is for me to relax at 3 or below. My baseline is 10, shooting to 15-20. Although I thought I was relaxed, I could not get below 10. I learned that I do not know how to relax, as my muscles are always tight from day to day stress/high cortisol levels. So my exercise is to learn how to relax, and to be kind to myself. Sounds simple enough, right?!

i can also count myself with that a bit. i must relearn deep relexation before i go off balance

 

[Alain]

A little humour and the ability to laugh at one's self helps a ton too, I find
It's just so much easier to let go when one is laughing.

with that i have much ostacles lately and that shook me also a bit of balance, but they can try what they want we are like in that old series dragon ball liek saija jins or what de hack how it is written, we sort stronger from down phases than before

 

[theGalacticTravelChannel]

What if those days have turned into weeks and months and years though? What if I've gone my whole life not feeling direction? Not feeling passion or real love of doing anything. It's been an active question for me since high school.

And even the purpose within the world seems hard to grasp as a lot of the world, the life we live, all of creation seems, excuse me, relatively pointless. If there's no driving point, (especially with the line of thought that we're not doing good enough to raise the earth vibration - Still not sure what I think about that whole thing-) aside from just being... What difference does it make what I do in my moment.

Please give some mercy to my negativity. I've been struggling with this for a while and it just feels like I am out of energy. I can't keep up with "the good fight", nor does it seem like I can get out of the trauma and abuse I've gone through. I go and push and rest and practice whatever I can to have peace and it apparently hasn't gotten me out of it. I want to quit. The thought of living an entire other half of my life feels so indescribably exhausting.

Angela,

When I think of the physical world I can feel the same. Ever so exhausted.

I have never had a feeling of direction in the physical sense of the idea ( some of us just do not have one ). I knew quite young, roughly by age 6 that I would not marry, would not have children, would not 'school' to 'become' something within a work-force. I knew I would not 'settle down', would not save to buy/own a home. None of the regular things people DO to quote "build a life". But what I did have, and what not many other people do, and what I am extremely grateful for is an obvious, highly-tangible-in-the-feeling-sense inner compass.

I know to not ever come away from it. I know what happens when I do. It is much like you say. So I adhere to my own inner feeling as if life itself depended on it ( which it does ) ( quite literally ). Life itself. It is why I am here. It is that which I am meant to hold. For the whole. for the many who have let go and are now lost, wandering, hypnotized, dazed, manipulated. Without their own center of gravity.

My work is invisible. Not many see or sense it at all. (as is the case with so many of us who came to help. A productive day for me is a day I do not come away from myself. A day spent lived from my own center. As it pulls many, so many, into their own .....Even if just for a moment.

It is a purpose, and life, and feeling very worth living. Worth bringing into being.

Worth experiencing.

*

You will find yours, if you have not already.

I heavily suspect you have.


Casey

 

[Lila]

what I did have, and what not many other people do, and what I am extremely grateful for is an obvious, highly-tangible-in-the-feeling-sense inner compass.

I look forward to a time when having a clear inner compass and knowing what to do with it is the norm

 

[theGalacticTravelChannel]

Me too, Lila, me too.

 

[Alain]

What if I've gone my whole life not feeling direction?

Angela, You must find direction yourself, you have been getting hints from your HS, are you listening? I understand, I didn't listen very well to my HS for decades. I hadn't addressed all my personal problems until my 40s. But when I finally danced like no one was watching, I had a lot of fun. But that involved getting rid of a lot of negative internal dialogue. No one was going to rescue me and fix my problems, I had to do the internal work all my self. I could ask for help, but I had to be the one starting all the fixings that were going on.

Does that resonate at all with you?

So what's the purpose of life? To love others. But one cannot do that until they love themselves (which actually means respect and accept themselves), and that is not meant in a narcissistic way. And one cannot accept themselves until they fix some of their internal issues.

If you want a goal, start by helping others. It can feel nice. But make sure to take care of yourself too and pay all your bills. Your other purpose, IMO, is to be self-sufficient, take care of yourself, pay your own bills, etc.

you nailed a thing here for me, it seems i don t listen well enough

 

[therium]

Angela You might also be an Indigo child. You may not have a purpose until after the shift to the New Earth (the Ascension). Are you good at counseling people who are afraid and confused? Perhaps that will be one of your roles. Are you good as a teacher? That may be another of your roles later on. What do you think you are good at? Your strengths may be be well developed yet.

What hobbies are you drawn to? Perhaps this will give you a clue as to your future purpose. Even hobbies which seem minor and silly might be an important clue. I used to raise live bearing fish, dwarf shrimp, cloning crayfish and other invertebrates. I was very good at it. It seems to useless now but maybe in the future this will be an important skill for me to share with others.

You might even be a Pleiadian soul come to earth to help, as you certainly look like one. You have beautiful soft skin, and a happy, kind face, and light hair.

I bless you with all the love of the creator, and may you find wisdom, and your purpose, soon.

Ok, I contacted my spirit guide Anliel to tell her you would like to know your purpose. She replies:

"Alright alright already! I'll make some 'calls' and get this rolling. So... let me see here... oh yes, she is being given hints but does not believe them. Therium, you went through the same thing, can you give her some tips?"

Me: "Please give Angela several more obvious hints within a 5 minute block. You forget earth is a place where we are constantly deceived so we need more hints than you might think. Help her remember parts of dreams that are the hints."

Anliel: "It shall be done." (At this point I felt a burst of love energy emitted from Anliel, like a bell that has rung, it spread through me and out into the realm where she resides, like a spherical wave front touching infinity.)

Be aware of things you are drawn to like articles, videos, and look at the topic of them, that is a hint to your purpose or a skill you should develop. Be aware of certain sentences or phrases that might pop out at your, look bold or even glow in your mind, or that get stuck and repeat in your mind. These are more hints as to your purpose or next goal. You might even tingle if you find something that is a hint for you. The tingles might go up and down your back and up into your scalp.

Open your mind and your chakras, let the positive energy in. It is time.

Angela, if you have doubts about all this, that is normal. Please talk to us. We are here to help you, that is why you are also here, to get help, to help you to the next step, whatever that may be.

 

[Alain]

Even helpfull for me. And i have also a few things i have no clue the moment. Wonder even how much hints i missed in the last 2 years

 

[Lila]

Wonder even how much hints i missed in the last 2 years

Lol, I wonder how many hints we each miss each day!